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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone of your Daily, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to find out that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college to use the facilities during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

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Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|