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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles is convinced he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “highly unrealistic”, he admits. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these times of heightened ego are usually followed by a “sudden low”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and self-conscious about his conduct, making him especially susceptible to criticism from those around him. He began to think he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after investigating his behaviors online – and eventually evaluated by a clinician. However, he is skeptical he would have agreed with the assessment without having independently formed that realization on his own. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – especially if they feel feelings of superiority. They operate in an altered state that they’ve constructed. And in that mindset, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

Though people have been called narcissists for decades, definitions vary what people refer to as the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says a psychology professor, who believes the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he notes many people conceal it, due to so much stigma linked to the condition. A narcissist will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a strategy of using people to bolster one’s self-esteem through actions such as seeking admiration,” the specialist says. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in The Disorder

Though three-quarters of people diagnosed with the condition are men, research suggests this number does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is typically appears in the covert form, which is often overlooked. “Men’s narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, similar to everything in society,” says a young adult who shares content on her co-occurring conditions on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders appear together.

Individual Challenges

It’s hard for me with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she shares, whenever it’s suggested that the issue lies with me, I tend to switch to a defensive state or I completely shut down.” Despite having this response – which is sometimes referred to as “narcissistic injury”, she has been trying to overcome it and take advice from her support system, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she admits. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she explains she and her partner “maintain an agreement where I told him, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if I say something manipulative, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mainly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have healthy examples as a child. It’s been a process of understanding all this time which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say when arguing because it wasn’t modeled for me as a kid,” she says. Every insult was fair game when my household were criticizing me in my early years.”

Origins of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be linked to early life adversity. “There is a genetic component,” notes an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting particular demands. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the NPD-diagnosed people, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The individual says when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve academic success and professional advancement, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

In adulthood, none of his relationships lasted. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he says. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He didn’t think forming deep connections, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, in a comparable situation, finds it hard to manage emotional regulation. She is “highly empathetic of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who initially thought he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Following an appointment to his doctor, an assessment was arranged to a therapist for an assessment and was given the NPD label. He has been put forward for psychological counseling through national services (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the patient queue for 18 months: It was indicated it is probably going to be in a few months.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, personally, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is beneficial,” he says. All of the people have acknowledged their condition and are pursuing treatment for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the existence of online advocates and the development of virtual networks suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number